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▲ HEAD CANON ONE
Sep. 22nd, 2012 03:49 pmnatasha tries not to remember her time spent in the red rooms.
but when she does it curls over her in roils of rage.
even though it was another reality. another period of her life. another person.
because natasha battles with her demons every day. she never stops fighting.
the voices are always there, her mind always alive with noise.
it's like flicking through radio frequencies, never settling on a channel but hearing constant fragments of sentences.
it's why she sleeps with a light on - because she's terrified of the shadows in the dark corners.
it's why she sleeps with a gun or a knife - because she's ready come what may.
it's why after a mission she doesn't want to be alone - because sleeping next to something solid and warm keeps her grounded.
it's why she puts so much on the line for her partner - because he's the only one that ever gave her a choice instead of telling her what she should do.
it's how she became natasha. it's how she found the strength to push the others out of her head and swallow back their voices.
but she can still feel them, as much as she can feel the pressing weight of night on the widows.
she's both simple and complex. simple because all she wants is one night of unbroken sleep where she doesn't wake up screaming for gods she never believed in. and complex because no matter what, they're always there watching through her eyes, waiting for her guard to drop, waiting for the fog to cloud over.
but when she does it curls over her in roils of rage.
even though it was another reality. another period of her life. another person.
because natasha battles with her demons every day. she never stops fighting.
the voices are always there, her mind always alive with noise.
it's like flicking through radio frequencies, never settling on a channel but hearing constant fragments of sentences.
it's why she sleeps with a light on - because she's terrified of the shadows in the dark corners.
it's why she sleeps with a gun or a knife - because she's ready come what may.
it's why after a mission she doesn't want to be alone - because sleeping next to something solid and warm keeps her grounded.
it's why she puts so much on the line for her partner - because he's the only one that ever gave her a choice instead of telling her what she should do.
it's how she became natasha. it's how she found the strength to push the others out of her head and swallow back their voices.
but she can still feel them, as much as she can feel the pressing weight of night on the widows.
she's both simple and complex. simple because all she wants is one night of unbroken sleep where she doesn't wake up screaming for gods she never believed in. and complex because no matter what, they're always there watching through her eyes, waiting for her guard to drop, waiting for the fog to cloud over.
